Okay, I was gonna do this after you got home from school...
but I'm too excited.
The turkey knife!
That's right. I've been waiting for the right year and if you feel ready...
this Thanksgiving you will be carving one of the three tom turkeys.
I'm ready, Dad.
I wasn't ready last year. I realize that now.
Okay. Pretend it's Thanksgiving and this bread is a turkey.
Oh, my God, it's so juicy.
You see, Bobby, on Thanksgiving...
people will be so jazzed by the moistness of the turkey...
you'll have to tune them out. Now, try again.
The kids' table needs dark meat!
Dale, I read that the government returned 84,000 acres...
to the Utes near the Orahee Reservation.
It's a good precedent for our tribe's lawsuit, don't you think?
Well, with me acting as your legal advisor...
I am confident you have an airtight case.
Although I am not sure what you mean by "precedent."
- Hey, Dad. - Son.
Joseph, hello.
Hey.
So...
is that a new backpack?
Looks good on you.
You know, I'm speaking to your class today.
We'll be going over the Native American role in Thanksgiving.
Why don't I give you a ride to school?
No. I'll ride my bike.
Dad, my bike chain is busted.
No problem, son.
I'm pretty sure I keep a chain tool in Hank's garage.
Morning, John Redcorn.
Nancy, you just missed Joseph.
Well, I guess you see him every day.
He's just grown so much.
Too much time goes by without me seeing him.
- Thank God for the holidays. - Yeah, about that...
I just don't think it's a good idea your coming by this Thanksgiving.
But I barely see my son since we broke up.
Sug, he's Dale's son, remember?
Say that now.
But when it comes time to get him into college, let's see what box you check.
My people once owned what is now central and southern Texas.
Our land was taken from us by the white man.
- BOBBY: Mr. Redcorn? - REDCORN: Yes?
Are you sure it's the white man who did all that stuff?
Because I come from white people and this is the first I'm hearing of it.
Yes, I am sure.
Wow.
Yes, wow.
[School bell ringing]
You know, Bobby, if you are interested in learning more...
I could give you and Joseph a ride home.
Ride? Really? I've been dreading the walk home all day.
These legs get dog-tired by 3:10.
Luanne, are you ready for another Thanksgiving Boggle tournament?
Aunt Peggy, everybody hates your Boggle tournament.
- What? - What?
You just said that everybody hates my Boggle tournament?
I didn't say that, I thought it.
Well, now that you know, everybody does hate your Boggle tournament.
But it's because you give grades instead of prizes.
Yes, Boggle is a harsh mistress.
Maybe I should come up with a game that other people have a chance at.
It's gonna be tough to find one that doesn't give me an advantage.
[Upbeat music playing on jeep radio]
Okay, Johnny. Stay cool.
Don't bore him.
Where's Joseph going?
Who knows? That kid's a freaking mystery.
I waited two-and-a-half hours.
And I really appreciate that.
Especially after all you say the white man did to the Indians.
You don't know the half of it.
The white man is still doing it.
Hundreds of years of the systematic rape of my people is not enough, is it?
I'm sorry. I just have to ask again.
This is the white man?
I've researched all the very best games in the world.
And what I learned was people like to spin.
And people like to choose.
The trick was getting rid of all the boring stuff in between.
Spinning and choosing. I like those.
Wait. What do I get to choose?
Well, some game shows have you choose a letter.
Who cares?
Some shows have you choose a category.
My God, wake me up when it's over.
In my game, you take that choice and you spin it.
The name of the game is...
Spin the Choice.
Luanne, do you want to spin the choice?
See you, Mr. Redcorn.
Bobby, in honor of your first carving...
we're gonna fry up one of the turkeys this year.
Dad, that is no way to celebrate the rape of the Native Americans...
for 350 years.
Bobby, don't use the word "rape," it's not polite.
I don't know how else to describe this idiotic ritual.
Dad...
you and your white people stole hundreds of thousands of acres...
from John Redcorn. And now you celebrate by frying a turkey?
When does the killing end?
- What the... - Hank, you're terrible.
- I am not-- - Just give him his land back, Hank.
You can't just barge in here! This room is my property and...
What's the use? Look who I'm talking to.
You are talking to your father.
And you will not use that Frenchman's wave with me.
Wait. This is about the turkey carving, isn't it?
It's all right to have some pre-carving jitters.
The good ones always do.
Yes. What could be more important than turkey?
This makes me sick!
"Thankstaking" isn't a time for celebration.
I refuse to carve your turkey.
It is basted in the blood of the innocents.
I'm out!
This was gonna be the perfect Thanksgiving.
Bobby carving his first turkey...
my dad going out of town...
Pie...
Do not blame Bobby. I taught him to keep an open mind.
Maybe I taught him too well.
Come on! The naked photography books are downstairs.
Somebody's gonna buy them all before we get a chance to even look.
Is that all you think about? Photography?
I only have a day to plan an authentic Native American protest feast.
And if anything has to thaw or ripen, I gotta know now.
[Redcorn exclaims]
Joseph, how about this? Running into each other.
Hey, Mr. Redcorn.
I had this old headdress lying around. And I thought, well, you might like it.
Horns and a feather. Thanks.
John Redcorn.
What in the hell have you been telling my son?
If I stole all that land, would I be living on a dang eighth of an acre?
We will rise up and reclaim all of what was once ours.
He is the spirit of our people.
Bobby is?
Joseph.
Oh.
Hank.
Oh, boy.
I want my son back.
DALE: I don't know.
MAN: I hope there'll be some apple pie.
Bobby, not in front of the Boomhauers!
I'm sorry, Dr. Boomhauer.
What are you doing?
What better way to educate than to have my own "Thankstaking" meal?
It's gonna be very in-your-face.
I refuse to eat the white man's white meat!
That's it. You're going to your room. And stay off the guests' coats.
Hank, come on. Let him be.
This is normal teenage rebellion.
When I was his age, I wrecked my parents' bicycle.
All right, fine.
But this whole anti-Thanksgiving thing couldn't have come at a worse time.
Well, the game is pretty straightforward.
You can choose to spin or you can choose to choose.
If you choose to spin, you can land on "spin," or "choice," or "lose a spin"...
or "lose a choice," or "free spin"...
or "free choice," or "spin again."
I'll be right back.
She loves the game. But her ex-lover just showed up.
Most players won't face such distractions.
Hank, what's John Redcorn doing here?
I thought he was here for you.
Not in a while, Sug. I'm scared he might do something stupid.
Would you mind kicking him out?
- Hey, John Redcorn. - Hank.
Are you here for something in particular?
Because this is kind of a family and neighbor kind of--
- Bobby invited me. - Bobby?
He's just a minor. He doesn't have the authority to--
Is this because of what happened in the car the other day?
- I don't know what you're talking about. - I was crying.
And you felt a little uncomfortable with--
Well, I know you're here to see Bobby, so I won't keep you.
Hello, Bobby. How's the good fight?
- Well, Mr. Redcorn, I found-- - There's Joseph!
John Redcorn, what a pleasant surprise. Have a beer.
[Whispering] What the hell do you think you're doing here?
I'm going to talk to my son. I bought him a skateboard.
He's already got a skateboard, and a helmet, and a father! So, leave.
John Redcorn, hey. Here's something to be thankful for.
You got a settlement offer from the government.
Twelve delicious acres of unincorporated Arlen.
Twelve? I was seeking 130,000.
There's no way I'm accepting this insult.
Come on. Twelve's a lot. Eleven of them are connected.
The other one's across the highway. If you don't want them, I'll take them.
You're right. This is something to drink to.
DALE: May I have your attention, everyone?
I would just like to make a toast to our friend, John Redcorn Ill...
celebrating the return of 12 acres of land.
Almost 0.001% of what he was seeking.
Kudos.
All right, then.
Joseph hates me.
Why would Joseph hate you? He barely knows you.
I would also like to make a toast...
to the white man who steals our land and steals our sons.
To the white man!
To the white man?
What the hell.
Bobby, if you have anything nice to say about the American Indians...
now would be a good time.
Thank you for finally hearing our voice.
My friend John Redcorn...
has taught me about how important the history of his people is...
especially on this day.
And I am the only one who saw fit...
to prepare a feast that honors the Native American culture...
not my land-grabbing ancestors.
According to many expensive books I studied at the bookstore...
the Anasazi tribe from this region...
celebrated their most festive occasions by eating the body of their enemies.
Anthropologists have found the leftovers of these sacred meals...
human bones with shiny patches...
as if rubbed smooth against the walls of cooking pots.
So, today we salute the Native American cannibal...
or people-eater.
It is in this spirit...
that I invite you to enjoy a Native American cannibal feast.
Mr. Redcorn. This head's for you.
Oh, man. You eat people?
Joseph, don't listen to him.
That was over 700 years ago!
Get your hands off me, you cannibal freak!
John Redcorn, it's me. I brought you a to-go plate...
it's the neck and gibs.
They were this close to giving them to the dog.
Look, I feel terrible for what Joseph said.
My son has all the Gribble passion with none of the Gribble charm.
Your son?
Yes, I've been meaning to talk to you about "your son." Sit down.
Fourteen years ago, I was gassing up my jeep, and I met...
Do I still need to use an ashtray?
You want me to consult the rule book, Dr. Boomhauer? Fine...
you lose.
Sorry. I thought you were Mr. Redcorn.
That guy creeps me out.
John Redcorn is a good man who's lost everything important to him.
Yeah, his stupid land. Get over it already.
Joseph John Gribble, you should be ashamed of yourself.
What if your father lost the places he hunted, and fished, and lived, and loved?
Maybe it's my fault you don't understand anything about his heritage.
It's time we had a talk.
Okay. How about this?
Some things in life just happen.
You don't want to hurt anyone, but...
Come on. So Joseph called you a cannibal.
It's not like it's true, is it?
Of course not. Any cultural anthropologist will tell you...
that the Anasazi tribe last practiced cannibalism over 700 years ago!
And you are affiliated with what tribe?
Dale, I don't eat people!
For God's sake! It would be like me accusing you of cannibalism...
just because that nut in Michigan who boiled body parts on his stove was white.
And that disc jockey in Philadelphia who ate people in his basement.
Also white.
Boy, you're really up on your cannibalism, John Redcorn.
- Well, look at the time. - It just makes me so angry.
You should know I'm highly carcinogenic.
Okay, that bell means you get a chance to spin the prize wheel.
I came up with the prize wheel late last night.
So picture this as a 30-foot wheel that spins.
Bill, spin my arm.
Come on!
I win a Winnebago!
So close! I spun it a little too hard.
[Phone ringing]
Hello?
John Reds-mum's kidnapped me and he's going to eat me.
You're with John Redcorn? Has he told you anything?
He's playing it very coy. You have to save me, Hank.
Now, here's the plan.
[Makes whispering sounds]
Dale, you're just going... [Makes whispering sounds]
Well, I've got nothing!
Peggy, I got to go for a spin to pick up Dale.
He's over at Redcorn's, scared out of his pants.
I want to go.
I want to go, too. For Mr. Redcorn.
- Bobby, haven't you done enough to him? - It's my choice.
Then give me your choice card.
I'm glad the Cowboys lost today, after all they did to the Indians.
Damn it, don't go dragging them into this.
You're already in enough trouble. You called John Redcorn a cannibal.
That's one of the worst things you can call a person.
No, it's not!
The New York Times says cannibalism is part of his cultural heritage.
And you have to respect other people's culture.
Who are we to judge?
I am not judging, I am stating a simple fact.
It is wrong to eat human beings.
Says you.
Yes. And I'll say it again. It is wrong to eat another human being.
But it was right for the white man...
to throw blankets with smallpox onto the Indian reservations?
No. That was wrong, too. But so is eating human beings.
Bobby, I agree that stealing Indians' land was wrong.
Can't you agree that eating people is wrong?
- I guess. - There you go.
You know, I left one turkey uncarved.
Can I have the knife back?
You sure can, Bobby. But you barely need a knife...
'cause that bad boy is so goddang succulent.
[Dale exclaims]
So, what did you say to Dale?
Nothing yet.
I can't believe she left me for that.
She didn't leave you for that.
She married that two years before she met you.
- Dad! - Joseph's here? Good.
I can tell both of them at the same time.
Get back in the truck behind Bobby where you're safe.
It's okay. He's not going to eat anyone.
Mr. Redcorn, I know you're not really a cannibal.
My mom told me. She told me a lot of things.
Really? Like what?
How the white man stole your land and your heritage...
and that it's time you got it back...
and how we're all children of the earth.
So in a weird way, we're related.
So what did you want to tell us, Kemo Saba?
I think I will take those 12 acres after all.
And then, upon my death, I would like to pass the land on to you, Dale...
for all the help you've given me.
Score!
Then Joseph will live on my forefathers' land after you die.
Thanks, Capt. Bring-Down.
[Cars honking constantly]
This is nice land, John Redcorn.
With a little TLC...
[Loud traffic noises] I bet you could turn this into a real nice place.
Maybe put up a garden and a fence and--
I am thinking about suing the Highway Department...
to put in a sound-dampening fence.
HANK: Oh, my God, it's sojuicy.